I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
