it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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