I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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