I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
