why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
