If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
