So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
