Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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