He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
