Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
