You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
