I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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