i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
