K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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