we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
