Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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