I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
