let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
