Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
