i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
