He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize