K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
