are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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