you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The uberlube is also flammable
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
