Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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