Me too!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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