Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently you make a good broom.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
