would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Pants are for mortals
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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