I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
