I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize