Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
