i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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