I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
