dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
