remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
