When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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