If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
