it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
