Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
