so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Soap is not a condiment
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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