Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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