if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
