He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
