I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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