Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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