they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
