Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
