But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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