I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
