I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
