i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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