so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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