I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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