Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Jerry, you need to find god
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize