I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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