its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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