if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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