im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
