just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
