Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
