i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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