U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
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