I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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