Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
