Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
