and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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