I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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