In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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