i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
