watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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