Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
this is an emotional support booty call
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
