So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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