there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
